Alexis, Unexpected
by paramorebrighter
Summary: An unexpected pregnancy shatters Alexis's plans for college and life. Will she keep it?
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. The most betaing I do is listening to Apple read my writing aloud while I nurse. I was watching Castle Episode "_The Good, the Bad and the Baby_" and at the very end, Alexis says to Castle and Beckett, "If you had kids, and I had kids around the same time, they'd grow up together!" And I was thinking in my best Karen Walker voice, "Oh honey. No, honey. Don't have a baby with Pi. Pi's a mooching, immature, irresponsible idiot. Oh honey, no." And of course, being a fanfiction writer, I started to go, "Hmm, what if Pi did get her pregnant? What would happen?" The curse of fanfiction writers everywhere. I also saw a Castle Post Secret on tumblr that said they'd love to see Alexis have baby, and people blew up in protest at that idea. _

_Sorry to Molly Quinn, if she ever reads this, because I seriously doubt she'd be so stupid to get pregnant by an idiot, and I'm kind of abusing Alexis unnecessarily in this. The first few chapters are kinda emo, but I will let it get better, I promise. This is also my reaction to a lot of people (including the nurses in the delivery wing) who congratulated me when I got pregnant for being married and not being "one of THOSE people." Um, excuse you, do you really realized how harsh and judgmental you're being by say crap like that? So, I hope anybody who reads this enjoys. _

_Please withhold the abortion lectures, too. I don't feel that it's right, but legal or blackmarket, women who don't have adequate education, reproductive healthcare, and housing are going to get them until we step up as a country and make sure they get those things. It's idiotic to debate these things, it gets us nowhere._

* * *

I didn't think much of it when I didn't get my period on the same date.

I usually fluctuated three days, give or take. I didn't stress about it. I waited to get the monthly pre-period cramps, bloating, and backaches, but they didn't come.

I didn't concern me. I knew well enough that my body did what it wanted.

I was a little concerned that I missed my period that month all together. I tried to tell myself that this kind of change was normal. Stress did this to a body, and it was almost finals. I was worried about finals, and I figured that did it to me.

The weekend after finals ended, I took a long nap until Pi got home. Most of my friends were coming home soon, we had a full social calendar planned. We weren't going to get to Ohio to see his family, but my dad had plans for us to come over on Christmas Eve. I had a Christmas tree already set up in our little living room, and it sparkled and glowed, casting shadows on the walls when I turned out the lights. I loved the Christmas season.

What I didn't love was the low-level of nausea I felt sick with. I wasn't throwing up, but strongly-scented cheeses made me sick to smell, so did things with a lot of spices. I only threw up once, after making a lunch of Ramen noodles and broccoli. "Hey, babe, you feelin' alright?" Pi asked, watching me throw up in our tiny bathroom with stained porcelain fixtures.

I shook my head and splashed some water on my face, only to feel my stomach heave again. I puked up some more Ramen.

"Ramen noodles are so bad for you," he said, lighting a joint. I sometimes got the feeling he was a fruitarian for the novelty of being able to say it. I felt my stomach jolt when I smelled the pungent aroma of marijuana.

"I know," I muttered. "But we're broke. We put off Christmas until next month, just so we can pay the rent."

My stomach was completely sour, now, and he was smoking a joint, as if to mock my illness. He held it out to me to see if I'd take it. "We'll make it work."

My only way of making this work was to dip into my personal savings account or eat ketchup and mustard until my next paycheck. The idea of either did not sound appealing for me at the moment.

* * *

On Christmas Day, I was relieved to get to Dad's place, just for the free food. The moment I walked in, I felt sick, though. None of it seemed appealing to me, except the crackers. I nibbled on those to calm my stomach.

Dad attempted to make small talk with Pi. It was incredibly awkward, seeing as Dad never liked him. I didn't understand why; he was so sweet and charming and friendly.

"Sorry we didn't bring anything, Mr. C," he said, loading up an appetizer plate with brie and crackers. "We're kind of on a tight budget."

"I understand, you're both in college," Dad said, although I could see it pained him to be nice. I had lectured him about how he treated Pi, and now, I could see that he was trying to live up to treating him with respect. I loved my dad for that.

"This is really good," Pi said. "Thanks for having us over."

"Anytime. It's just good to see my little girl again."

"Dad," I protested. "I'm not a little girl anymore."

"I know, I know. I can't help myself. I'll always see you like… Pi, let me show you some embarrassing pictures of Alexis as a baby!"

I groaned in frustration.

"I'd love to see it," Pi said, grinning, getting up, taking his plate with him. "Babe, I bet you were really cute."

Jim Beckett arrived and we got into a conversation about law school. I was considering it.

Luckily, my stomach settled by the time dinner happened. I was able to eat, and boy was I hungry. Grams made sure I had two plastic grocery sacks full of leftovers after dinner. "I know how things get when you're living paycheck to paycheck in college," she said, kissing me on the cheek. "I packed a few extra avocados and pomegranates for Pi, sweetheart."

"I love you Grams, thank you."

"Oh, Martha, you beat me to it!" Detective Beckett said, walking into the kitchen to see me laden down with grocery sacks.

"I had a great time," I said. "Thank you so much for having us over, Detective Beckett."

"Of course," Detective Beckett said. "You know, you can call me Kate if you want. Your father and I are getting married… eventually." She rolled her eyes.

"I think that's a marvelous idea, Katherine," Grams said. "We're a family. Isn't this exciting to see how big our family's going to get?"

I nodded. "That's really sweet of you, D- Kate. I will."

She hugged me, albiet awkwardly. I didn't think she was going to be any different than Gina was. I had told myself not to get too attached to Gina when I was a kid. I knew better. I sincerely did not trust my father to be with one woman for the rest of his life.

Mr. Beckett gave us a ride to the subway stop so we didn't freeze on the way home.

"Grams gave us this for you," I said, getting out the pomegranate.

"Aww, sweet!" Pi cried, taking the pomegranate from me. "What else?"

"Um…" I searched the plastic bag. "Oh, there's some leftover roast. And a tin of rolls and some of the green bean casserole."

"Oh," he muttered, sounding disappointed.

"Well, there's like five apples, three oranges, and a whole bag full of grapes in the other sack."

"Don't mix your apples and oranges, babe!" He laughed at his own joke.

"You're hilarious."

* * *

On December 30th, my period still didn't show up. For the first time, I became really, really worried. I turned to the side in the bathroom mirror to see if I looked any different. I could see it; I was pregnant. I was sure of it.

I ran down to the Duane Ready to buy a pregnancy test. I was shaking when I got home and took it. Those were the longest two minutes of my life so far. I was never a religious person, nor had my parents ever raised me in a religion, but suddenly, I became very devout.

"_God, please, please, please don't let me be pregnant_!" I whispered, kneeling down. "_I don't know how I'm going to have a baby, I'm not even done with my sophomore year. No, please let this be a false positive_!"

Maybe it was a false positive. Maybe it was something I ate. I got on my laptop and searched what could cause a false positive. Excessive amounts of protein. No, no, I was living on Ramen. Cancer? Oh God, no, I'll take a pregnancy over cancer anyday. The waterline? Sometimes, the waterline from urine made it look like a false positive. No, this was a lot stronger than a waterline. Defective test? Yes. Yes, maybe that was the case. I ran back down to the Duane Ready and when I got back, Pi was already there, smoking another joint.

"Hey, babe," he greeted me.

"Not now, Pi," I replied, going to the bathroom. I peed on the stick. Set the timer on my phone. And I waited in agony.

_If I really am pregnant, I'll get an abortion,_ I thought. _No one has to know. I can't screw up my college career with a pregnancy. I've worked too damn hard to have a baby now._

My phone's alarm went off and I grabbed the test off the counter before silencing it.

Positive.

No. This couldn't happen. I'd get this taken care of, and it wouldn't happen. I'd get through college, get my law degree, and go on to find a husband and make a family of my own. No, no, no. Pi and I were not ready to start a family now. Did Pi even have to know?

I went back into the living room and sat down beside Pi.

"Hey," he said, handing me the joint. I took a deep drag off it. "You look stressed."

"I kind of am," I admitted. I took another drag and the colors got brighter. I felt myself relax. "Okay. Better." I handed him the joint back and picked up my laptop to settle back into my lap.

I couldn't let him see what I was going to research, so I got up from the couch and went back to the bedroom to do the search.

_Abortion Clinics in New York City._

The Google bar spun, and a host of links came up. I clicked on the top one, thankful that New York was such a liberal state. The clincs were close for the New Year, so I had to wait until the 4th to go in. I looked up other methods of causing your pregnancy to abort itself and drinking a lot of orange juice was rumored to do the trick. I went to the grocery store in hopes it would.

* * *

I got my 1st appointment at the student clinic for January 4th. I had to see the doctor and get them to pronounce that I was pregnant before I could get referred back to Planned Parenthood. I realized what a bind I was in; I had no money (except for the emergency credit card Dad let me have), and I wasn't sure how I'd hide this abortion from my father. I had been so good about not using my emergency credit card that any charge to it would raise suspicion. I had already used it enough to buy the pregnancy tests and orange juice, which had not worked. Why hadn't I used the card once-in-a-while? I berated myself for not thinking ahead. I had managed to get my birth control under insurance, and yes, I had been on birth control, why was I pregnant? I was furious and out of sorts and scared and angry and terrified and light headed all at once. _This can't be…_

When I was called in, I sat on the table, nervously swinging my feet on the edge. It felt like torture, the waiting for the knock on the door. The nurse came in to get my vitals.

"What's going on that you needed to come in today?" she asked.

"I think I'm pregnant."

She nodded.

"I can't be pregnant!" I blurted out. "I'm only a sophomore in college, I'm too young to have a baby, and we're living paycheck-to-paycheck, we don't have any room-"

"Oh, honey," she interrupted, stroking my back. I realized the hysterical tears I had held back for so long had finally found their way to my eyes. She handed me the box of tissues. "It's going to be just fine. Do you know how many girls from Columbia come in here every year that are pregnant?"

"Not many?" I asked, assuming there had been a few.

"A lot more than you think. Don't panic, don't stress. We'll get you taken care of. You're in the right place, okay?"

I nodded.

"Alexis?" the doctor asked, poking her head. "Hi. I'm Dr. Westmoreland. How are you today?"

I took a deep breath and tried to unwring my hands from the fists they were clenched in.

"I think you can tell," the nurse said quietly. "Alexis thinks she might be pregnant."

I nodded, dabbing at my eyes. The Dr. Westmoreland took a gentle stance. "Let me assure you that you're not the first girl to come into our clinic pregnant," she said, squeezing my shoulder. "Let's get a pregnancy test and make sure of it before we lose our heads, alright?"

I nodded. "I have to have an abortion," I said. "There is no way I'm having a baby and embarrassing everyone close to me. I was always the responsible one and…" I choked on a sob.

"Every girl who's ever come in here pregnant was always responsible and smart and bright. These thing happen. The only 100% effective birth control is abstinence," Dr. Westmoreland said. "And it's completely unrealistic to try to make everyone abstinent, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"Do you know who the father is?"

"Yes. I'm living with him right now. But I don't want him to know."

"I don't think you'll be able to hide an abortion from him," the nurse said. "It takes a few days to heal and the pain… it's there. It's not a painless procedure. Now how many sexual partners have you had, sweetie?"

I couldn't take these women calling me 'sweetie' and 'honey.' It seemed a little patronizing right now. "I was so careful," I said. "I really was. Only one."

"What age did you start being sexually active?"

"Nineteen," I said. "Just last summer."

"We'll do an STD test, just for safety's sake. You never know what can cause a false positive on a pregnancy test."

I felt my stomach lurch again, I pressed the tissue to my lips.

"Do you need to throw up?" the nurse asked.

I nodded. "Yes."

* * *

That afternoon, the call came back. Yes, I was indeed pregnant- seven weeks to be exact. I had to chose within the next five weeks to get a first trimester abortion, a second trimester abortion was much, much more difficult to obtain and most of the time, it was required a medical problem with the baby. It felt so shaky, and scared and embarrassed. So many emotions flooded me, I didn't know what to do. They told me I couldn't hide an abortion from Pi, so I might as well tell him.

He came home from work that evening, and I was sitting on the couch, smoking our last joint. I was blitzed out of my mind at this point.

"I'm pregnant," I greeted him.

"Excuse me?" he asked, bewildered. I held up the two pregnancy tests in a plastic zip-lock baggie from work. He stared, horrified.

"Well?" he finally said. "What are you going to do?"

I shrugged. "I'm getting an abortion."

"Obviously," he indicated the joint.

"Obviously," I agreed. "Look, Pi. I need your help. The abortion will cost money. And I don't want to make my dad suspicious, so I can't use his emergency credit card."

He took off his gloves and hat, then his scarf, and then his coat. "I'll see what I can string together."

"I'm not ready to be a mother," I said. "I really am not. I can't have a baby right now, and I need you to support me. This is not going to be easy. I hate this baby already, I don't want it. It's going to ruin my education and I just can't have it right now. I just can't."

"I know you can't," he agreed, sitting down next to me. "Come on, pass." I handed him the stub a joint left.

"My father cannot find out about this. Not when he's planning a wedding. He and Kate are talking about having a baby, and right now is not the time for me to be having a child…" Pi didn't say anything. "I'd absolutely ruin their wedding if I was pregnant."

He just sat there, exhaling from it. "Well?"

"I can't have a child, either," he admitted. "I never planned on one."

"Me neither."

"Good, so we're in agreement, then. No baby."

* * *

My call from the abortion clinic came the next day. "We're actually filled up until the first week of February."

"What?" I asked, shocked. "I'm already seven weeks!"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, we're just booked up. You can try the clinic on Long Island. Here, let me give you the number."

Long Island? How was I going to get there? We'd borrow a car if we had to. I started to run through my list of people I knew with a car who'd let me borrow it without a lot of questions. I had gotten my license, but I wasn't insured and I didn't drive very well, either. When I called the clinic, I made an appointment for the end of January, but they wanted me to get some pre-natal care, first.

"Hi, Alexis," Pi said without his usual lightheartedness as he walked in the door.

"Hi," I said. "I got an appointment for the abortion on 30th of January. The ones here in Manhattan were all booked up."

He raised his eyebrows a little. "I… um…"

"I think we can borrow a car. Did you get the money?"

"Oh no, I… Um…"

_He didn't have the money._ I shivered. "Well, we've got a month to come up with it. How can we do it?"

"We can cut down on the amount of weed we smoke," he offered. "Um…" I wasn't sure what else was a luxury we could cut back on. "You know, I could deal a little. Nobody really cares about pot dealing."

We were going to start dealing drugs to afford our abortion? How sad. We were just like all the things I hated; people who did drugs and were having an abortion because they were irresponsible about birth control. No, I was not irresponsible with my birth control, it just failed.

"I'll do my best to come up with the money," he said, sitting down beside me, squeezing my shoulder. "Don't worry."

I nodded, miserably, and I felt the weight of our decision crashing down on my shoulders. I was one of those people, the people I thought were so irresponsible and stupid and squandering their lives. I had always told myself I wasn't one of them because I worked hard, got good grades, had goals, and was achieving them as an independent woman. But here I was, conspiring with my boyfriend on how I'd come up with the money to pay for an abortion, and the only real option was dealing.

"We can ask your father for help," Pi offerred in a soothing voice.

"No!" I cried. I was 100% certain Dad would not react well if I told him what was going on. He'd yell at me, which he had only done twice in my life, and tell me how stupid I was, and how disappointed I made him. I had never wanted to let him down. Of all the people in the world, even if I made decisions that he didn't like, he had never lost respect for me. And I was just gaining an adult appreciation as a young woman who was handling herself and her life without less and less money from him. I was so proud of that, but babies cost money- money I did not have. "No, we're not going to ask my dad for help!"

"He's got all the money in the world!" Pi argued.

"I can't have him knowing I had an abortion! Or that I was pregnant! Ever! He tried to talk me out of moving in with you, all I'm going to hear is, 'I told you so' if I tell him I'm pregnant!"

"Fine," Pi snapped, stubbing out the joint in the ashtray. "I'm going out. I'll see you later."

* * *

I tried to avoid our apartment the next few weeks and avoid the abortion websites, which was hard when I was doing my research on it. I started classes and pretended nothing was wrong. When my birthday came up, Dad kept on emailing and calling me to go out to dinner to celebrate with him and Grams, and he insisted on bringing Kate along. I still had bouts of morning sickness, rich-smelling foods made me ill, I could only imagine how sick I'd get at a restaurant.

_Alexis,_

_I really want to take you and Pi out for dinner for your birthday. Kate and I want to do this. We've gotten you presents, and we can't wait to give them to you. Please answer my calls, I really want to take you out to dinner because I haven't seen you since Christmas and you're making me worry I did something wrong. Did I? I swear I didn't mean to do anything this time. I hate feeling like you're avoiding us. Kate really wants to see you, too, so does Grams. Can you please call me?_

_Love,_

_Dad_

I was so scared that Dad knew something. I was afraid that if I saw him, he'd guess. I didn't want him to know how badly I had screwed up. That thought terrified me. I closed my email immediately.

I worked at the bistro in the University Center, making coffee, which actually worked out well, since the smell of coffee didn't make me sick. My apron still fit just fine, and I consoled myself that I wouldn't have to worry about this for in few days. I requested the time off from work, explaining I'd be out of town for a few days, and I arranged my assignments with my professors.

The money for the abortion was kept in a jar over the radiator in our apartment. I had started saving my tip money in that jar, along with whatever Pi saved for it, too. We counted it every night.

My birthday didn't feel that exciting this year. I was so stressed out, I didn't want to celebrate it. After a long day at work, came home and climbed the step to my apartment, feeling queasy, and opened the door.

Dad was sitting on our futon with Pi.

"Dad!" I shouted, surprised.

"Hi, Alexis," he said, standing up. "Pi and I were just talking about your birthday and how I've been emailing and calling, and you haven't responded."

"Hey, babe," Pi said, jovially. I could tell he was a little stoned this early in the evening. "I didn't know your dad wanted to take us out to dinner on your birthday. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I uh… I um…" _I'm pregnant._ "I've been really busy. I'm sorry, Dad, I wasn't expecting it to be so wild, I kept on meaning to get back to you."

Dad could tell when I lied. I knew he knew something was up.

"Why don't we take them up on it?" Pi asked. "I'm starving!"

"I um…"

"Come on, when was the last time we went to a restaurant?"

"I'd love to take you out, honey. It's your birthday," Dad said.

"It's not a big birthday," I admitted. "Next year, though! We'll have a big party, and you and Kate will be married and…"

"Every birthday's a big birthday. Come on, don't you remember that Barney birthday party we had when you were four? You had a blast," Dad started. I hated it when he reminisced my childhood.

"Dad, I'm not into Barney any more," I said quietly.

"I would love to go," Pi said. "Can you give us like a half hour to get ready?"

I shot Pi a look to stop, but he completely missed it.

"Actually, can we make it at eight? I need to get home and change," Dad said, standing. He came up to me and kissed me on the cheek. "Happy birthday, honey."

* * *

"I hate lying to my dad," I said, straightening my hair out with my flat iron in the mirror in the bedroom. "I really do. I can't believe you just told him we'd go."

"Relax, babe," Pi said. "Free food, right?"

"You're a fruitarian!" I snapped. "What the hell are you going to eat at a restaurant?"

"I don't know, I'll find something. Don't worry."

"Don't worry?" I repeated, shaking. I nervously dropped the flat iron. "_Don't worry?_ I'm trying to hide that I'm pregnant there and you want to mooch off my dad because it's my birthday!"

"Alexis!" he cried, surprised, wiping his neck off from the shaving foam.

"What?"

"You really think I'm a mooch?"

"We have no money for an abortion, but we've got plenty of money for you smoke weed."

"Hey, you smoke, too!" At that moment my phone rang. It was Grams.

"It's Grams, shh!" I hissed. I hit the answer button. "Hello?"

"Hi, darling!" she sang. "We're downstairs, are you ready, yet?"

"Almost," I said. "Pi's still getting dressed and I'm almost done with my hair."

"Good, we've got a reservation for eight-thirty o'clock at Peacefood Cafe," Grams said. "It's raw vegan food, there will be something for Pi."

"We'll be down in a moment," I said, picking up my flat iron again. "We'll hurry. Bye." I hung up the phone. "Shit." I whispered.

"It's not that hard to hide a pregnancy when you're less that three months. I knew a girl back in Copenhagen that hid her pregnancy until she was six months along. And what about that show _I Didn't know I was Pregnant_?"

"I almost blurted it out in front of my dad tonight!" I cried. "I can't believe you let him in!"

"Just lie, Alexis. It's okay to lie to protect somebody."

"He knows. I know he knows somehow, he's going to try to get it out of me."

"Just finish your hair," he said, pulling a polo on over his head.

Downstairs, Grams was standing by the backseat of the car, and Dad was illegally parked with the engine running. "Hello, sweetheart!" Grams cried, opening her arms to hug me.

"Hi, Grams," I said.

"Happy birthday! We are so excited to get to take you both out for a birthday dinner! Hello, Pi! So good to see you!"

"Hi, Mrs. R, it's good to see you too," Pi said, his spark back. He hugged her. Kate was sitting in the passenger seat, and rolled her window down.

"Hi!" she said, waving at me. "Happy Birthday! I'd get out, but it's freezing!"

"Hi, Kate."

Grams let me into the car and I slid over to the far end of the backseat. "Hi, Dad."

"Hi, Alexis! Happy Birthday!"

"Thanks. Thank you so much for taking Pi and me out for my birthday."

"Of course. You're still my baby."

"She's a grown up," Pi added. I saw Dad's head whip around to throw him a glare. I didn't feel like correcting Dad. Pi kind of deserved it.

Kate was telling us about the new standards at the police station and how it was so confusing and irritating, and Captain Gates was trying to put her foot down on it. I felt a little bored by the story, in general. We arrived at Peacefood Cafe, where Dad dropped us off and we went in to claim our reservations while he parked. They had us at a really nice table in the back corner for privacy, which was really kind of my father to get. He arrived and sat down with us.

"So, the big news is that we reserved a venue for the wedding," Kate said, glowing.

"Oh, Katherine!" Grams cried. "Where is it?"

"My house," Dad said, sitting down beside her. "We're going to have the wedding and reception in the Hamptons in late August. It'll be great; we'll just have to get a permit, but it should be fine!"

"That perfect" I added, feeling a little robotic.

"And… we've decided we're going to try to have kids," Kate added. She was practically lighting up the room with her joy. "Right after the wedding!"

I felt my stomach lurch.

"Excuse me," I said, getting up.

"I'll order for ya, babe!" Pi called after me as I raced to the bathroom to puke.

I mostly vomited bile. Just the idea of having a child, and having it be such a joyful event was so foreign to me at the moment. And why did she have to share something so private and personal, that might not work out, in front of all of us? I had heard horror stories about women who invested thousands on in vitro fertilization and other fertility treatments for various reasons when they couldn't conceive. What if Kate couldn't conceive, yet she was telling everyone she was going to have a baby, but she wasn't pregnant, yet?

After vomiting and waiting on my stomach to calm down, I flushed the toilet. I was made up, so I didn't want to wash my face, but I wet down a paper towel with cold water at the tap and squeezed it before pressing it to my forehead. The door to the bathroom suddenly swung open, and Kate was standing there.

"Hi," she said, walking in. "Are you feeling alright?"

I shook my head. "I'm a little sick."

"Yeah, Pi said you haven't been feeling very good lately. Have you had your flu shot?"

I shook my head, and forced a smile. "No. Big mistake, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She went to the toilet stall and shut it, but she didn't stop talking. "I'm so, so excited about the wedding. We're planning our honeymoon for Italy, and we're going to take a few stops up to Switzerland and Germany. I've never been to Switzerland, think I can stash some money there?"

"Oh sure, yeah," I said. "IRS will never catch on."

The toilet flushed and she came back out. "I just want to let you know, I'm so excited about being your stepmother. Maybe we can have a girl's weekend or something at my Dad's cabin in Vermont, just you and me, before the wedding. I'd really like to get to know you better."

"Wouldn't an afternoon of manis and pedis with Soy Lattes be more time-effective?" I asked as she washed her hands.

"I guess so," she said. "I'm sorry, I know you've got a lot of school work this semester. It gets worse your junior and senior year."

I nodded. "It probably will."

"Are you sure about declaring yourself as pre-law?" she asked, drying her hands on the papertowels.

I nodded. "Yes. One-hundred per cent. Nothing's going to get in my way."

"You know, my dad would probably love to talk you out of that if he hasn't tried already," she said, smoothing her knee-length cocktail dress with her hands in the mirror and turning to the side. "Alexis," she said, turning to me. "Would you like to be one of my bridal attendants?"

"Like- your-"

"One of my bridesmaids, yes."

I opened my mouth, but stuttering out. "I- I would- I'd love to," I finally spat out. I had looked up to Kate as a career woman, and now all that was changing. She wanted to start a family and be a bride, now. I felt sick that all that was in jeopardy at this moment. If she and Dad ever found out I was pregnant... It would be very, very bad.

"Oh good," she said, looking relieved. "I'm going to be a part of your family, and I think your father's going to be so happy to hear this." She took my hand and lead me out of the bathroom to the table.

"I thought you had fallen in or something," Dad joked when we got back to the table.

"I went ahead and ordered for you," Pi said. "A raw curry carrot salad and the turfukey and parsley cakes."

"Sounds good," I lied.

"The good news is," Kate started. "Alexis agreed to be one of my bridesmaids!"

"I'm so happy you said yes," Dad said, grinning. "I think this is going to be a beautiful friendship between you two?"

I nodded, a small, soundless burp bringing up the bile taste again, which tasted like sour vomit in my mouth. "Yeah," I agreed.

* * *

I don't know how I did it, but I managed to get through the entire dinner without direct conversation about me. I kept on bringing it back to Dad and Kate's wedding plans, and pretending to be excited about it. All the while, the abortion I was planning on kept on intruding into my thoughts. Most of my meal I couldn't stomach; I took it home for Pi. I was planning on settling my stomach with saltines when I got home. We usually stole 5-10 packets at time from my cafe I worked out, we had a stash of them in the kitchen. I stuck the take-home container in the fridge and kicked off my heels before going to the radiator and getting the cash out of the jar. I took off the lid and dumped the money out, counting it. Dad gave me some cash so I could get a pair of flats that didn't have holes in the soles for my birthday present that I could work in, and I added that money in, too.

I counted it. Four-hundred-and-two dollars and eighty-six cents.

An abortion for my birthday. What a present.

"Did you request off for my appointment?" I asked Pi.

"Oh," he said, surprised. "You want me to go with you?"

He didn't think that I wanted him there with me during something so terrible and so painful? "I can't drive myself home, Pi!" I cried in shock. "They're going to be forcing my cervix open and sucking out the fetus!"

"It's only a few cells, how bad can it be?"

I felt a bit insulted. "Pi, are you just trying to upset me?" I asked. "This is a big deal. I'll need a ride home. I can't get home from Long Island on my own after this. It's an incredibly painful experience, I'm going to be incapacitated for a few days!"

"I'm so glad you're doing this, Alexis," he muttered. "I'm so not ready to be a dad."

"How do you think _I_ feel?" I asked.

"It's all about you, isn't it?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I blurted out.

"Ever since you found out you were pregnant, all you ever worry about is yourself and this abortion! I feel like you've forgotten about me!"

"This is some serious shit I'm getting!" All my lady-like composure had gone out the window, officially. "This could sterilize me if it goes wrong, damnit! I could end up in the hospital if this doctor isn't any good and botches this! This is a major surgery!"

Pi looked at me, his jaw trembling. He looked like he was about to cry, but he grabbed his coat. "I'm going out."


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. The most betaing I do is listening to Apple read my writing aloud while I nurse. I was watching Castle Episode "_The Good, the Bad and the Baby_" and at the very end, Alexis says to Castle and Beckett, "If you had kids, and I had kids around the same time, they'd grow up together!" And I was thinking in my best Karen Walker voice, "Oh honey. No, honey. Don't have a baby with Pi. Pi's a mooching, immature, irresponsible idiot. Oh honey, no." And of course, being a fanfiction writer, I started to go, "Hmm, what if Pi did get her pregnant? What would happen?" The curse of fanfiction writers everywhere. I also saw a Castle Post Secret on tumblr that said they'd love to see Alexis have baby, and people blew up in protest at that idea._

_Sorry to Molly Quinn, if she ever reads this, because I seriously doubt she'd be so stupid to get pregnant by an idiot, and I'm kind of abusing Alexis unnecessarily in this. The first few chapters are kinda emo, but I will let it get better, I promise. This is also my reaction to a lot of people (including the nurses in the delivery wing) who congratulated me when I got pregnant for being married and not being "one of THOSE people." Um, excuse you, do you really realized how harsh and judgmental you're being by say crap like that? So, I hope anybody who reads this enjoys._

_Please withhold the abortion lectures, too. I don't feel that it's right, but legal or blackmarket, women who don't have adequate education, reproductive healthcare, and housing are going to get them until we step up as a country and make sure they get those things. It's idiotic to debate these things, it gets us nowhere._

* * *

The next day when I woke up, Pi still hadn't returned. Once this abortion was over, things would be fine. I sent him a text.

_Pi, I'm sorry. This is really traumatic and scary for me, too. Once this abortion is over and I recover, we can all go back to normal._

I waited to see if he'd respond.

Nothing. I had to get to class and work.

When I got home, I knew Pi had been there. The laundry basket was empty. He usually left me to do his laundry.

Wait.

I grabbed the drawer to the dresser we had found in the Goodwill shop and yanked it open. All of his clothes were gone. "Shit!" I shouted. "Shit shit shit!" In the bathroom, his shaving kit was gone, and in our closet, all of his things were gone. Something else occurred to me: I gasped and ran to the abortion fund jar and opened it up to see that it was completely dark inside. "No!" I gasped. "No!" I shook it, and nothing rattle in it, not even a penny. He had left with the money. Shit. I collapsed onto the futon and sobbed into my hands.

* * *

After much thought and having a complete breakdown, I decided was going to come clean to Dad and ask him for help. I sent him a text, asking if I could come over and talk to him in private, it was really important and I really needed his support.

_Anything. What's going on?_ he texted back.

_I'll tell you when I get there._

_OK, Kate and your grandma aren't home. I'm all yours._

I cried the entire time on the subway. My tears pretty much froze to my face as I walked through TriBeCa to Dad's loft. Kate wasn't home, neither was Grams. Dad had probably been writing when he answered the door.

"Hi," he said. "What's happened?"

"Dad, I'm in a little bit of trouble."

"Is it money?"

"No… Well, sort of. Dad, can we sit down? And will you promise not to scream at me and get mad? I really need some help right now and I'm really, really scared…"

I sat down on the couch. I think Dad could tell by the grim look on my face that what was going on was actually really bad.

"I have to tell you something, and I'm so scared." I tried to gather up every ounce of courage, if the paralysis of fear hadn't already taken over.

Dad looked horrified suddenly. "Alexis, don't tell me…"

"Dad, I'm so sorry," I said, bursting into fresh tears. My face felt hot, and I was nauseated, my stomach felt like there was a drill inside, twisted and turning. "We were so careful, we really were, and we didn't plan this-"

"Weren't you using some kind of contraception? I'd have paid for the pill if you needed it, I thought you already had that taken care of-"

"I did! I was on the pill, I swear it! Obamacare covered it on our insurance, I made sure I got on it once I got back from Costa Rica with Pi!"

Dad stood up and rubbed his face, and began to pace.

"I scheduled an abortion in Long Island for Friday. It was the only place that would take me, everywhere else is booked up-"

"Does Pi know?"

I nodded somberly. "I'm so sorry I kept this from you. I was so scared of letting you down. We had all the money saved up, but I got home and the jar was empty and all his things were gone- Dad, I think he's left me. I'm so scared! I'm so scared!" I sobbed.

"Alexis, come here," Dad said. I stood up, feeling shaky. He held me for a long time, while I cried. "We'll get through this," he promised after I had cried for a while. "We've always gotten through these moments. Are you sure this is what you want?"

I nodded. "A hundred percent. I'm not ready to be a mom. I'm really not."

"I'll take you myself. Come on, you want some ice cream? Would that make you feel better?"

I shook my head. "No, not really."

"That's why you've been avoiding me, isn't it?"

I nodded again. "I'm so scared, Dad."

"I never thought this would happen to you. So Pi skipped out?"

I nodded. "His clothes, his shoes, his shaving kit, it's all gone. The money is gone, and… I guess he's just left me to be pregnant and alone."

"Son of a bitch, I've always hated that kid. No, no, I'm sorry, Alexis, I shouldn't say these things in front of you."

"I thought everything would go back to normal once I had the abortion," I whispered. "He left."

"An abortion is not an 'do over' button you can press at any time," Dad said. "At least I know it won't be for you. Things are going to be different for you from here on out. Everything will be different. Something like an abortion… it changes you."

* * *

Apparently, while I went up to my old bedroom and climbed into the bed and cried some more, Dad texted Grams and Kate, because Grams came home, flipping out.

"Alexis!" she shouted up the stairs. "Where are you?"

"Up here," I called down. Grams came up the stairs and threw open the door, looking panicked.

"It wasn't the flu, was it?"

I shook my head. She collapsed on the bed beside me and squeezed me tightly in her arms. "Oh, my dear, darling granddaughter. You have to be terrified."

"Trust me, I am," I muttered.

"I went through this fear myself, when I got pregnant at nineteen," she said into my scalp. "Are you sure you want to get this taken care of?"

I nodded. "I'm sure. Did you feel that way when you had Dad?"

She shook her head. "I didn't really have a lot of choice. My parents packed me up and sent me to a convent to have him with a group of nuns. They scared the hell out of me, made me scrub floors on my hands and knees until I was too big, and then made me iron and wash the church's laundry until I broke my water in front of the ironing boards. Is it any wonder I took off with my baby to New York once I was strong enough to run?"

I shook my head. "No. Not at all." I curled into her, and inhaled her Chanel No. 5. It was a comforting scent right now.

"I broke out of that church with Richard and I just hitch-hiked. I know that's dangerous, but I hitch-hiked to New York, and I got a room in a shitty little transient motel, but I raised Richard with the help of another order of nuns. They watched him the first few years. I'm just glad you have this option," she said softly. "Richard and I had some lean years, my dear. I'm so glad you won't. You know, all those times I tried to make Richard accept Pi, and he does this to you… To hell with that bastard for running off."

"So, I'm doing the right thing?" I asked, uncertain.

"In your situation, I can't say that abortion is right or wrong," Grams said. "I sometimes wonder, had I not been so sheltered and uncertain about my choices, would I have chosen that when I got pregnant with Richard? It scares me that women are still shamed for having sex or for even getting birth control and for accidentally getting pregnant. You know I was on the pill when I got pregnant?"

"No, you were? So was I!"

"Runs in the family, huh, kid?" For the first time, I caught myself cracking a smile as she rocked me back and forth. I felt that grinding, drilling fear sensation in my stomach slow for a moment. "I knew something was wrong at your birthday. And for a while, too. How far along are you?"

"Eleven weeks," I admitted.

"Well, you're a Rogers," she said, squeezing me. "We're tough. We'll get through this and come out on the other side shining."

* * *

When Kate came home, she looked at me with so much pity on her face. "Oh, Alexis," she said. I felt angry at that moment. I didn't need her pity or sympathy. She didn't know a damn thing about me or Pi. I could see it in her eyes; I was the dumbass who wasn't on the pill and was having sex, but she was leaving that lecture to my father. "I'm so sorry. It's all going to work out-"

"Kate," I said, holding up a hand. "This is really private. And I don't know you really, really well, so can you please just leave me alone?"

She looked a bit offended for a moment, and then her expression softened. "I'm here for you, Alexis. And I'm not going to breathe a word to anybody, I promise."

I guess that was the best she could do, even though she was the last person I wanted to know about this. "Thanks… I guess."

"We're completely on your side, okay? Whatever you choose-"

"Kate, just leave me alone, okay?"

* * *

I didn't feel any better after telling Dad. I could feel his disappointment in me. I stayed at his place the next day, not leaving. Grams made sure I was eating, and brought up pasta and steamed vegetables for dinner the next night, telling me that I'd need to keep my strength up for this "procedure". Nobody in the house could say "abortion." Dad made plans for us to stay at his place in the Hamptons while I recovered, and told me to pack. I had a pair of old yoga pants and a pair of mint-colored PINK sweatpants left at Dad's place that I stuffed into a suitcase with a long-sleeve t-shirt. I knew I was just going to be in bed, in pain for a day or so, with nothing stronger than over-the-counter pain meds.

All my research made me sick; when I watched the video on the internet, they showed a little lima bean figure in an X-ray getting broken up and sucked out by a tube. It made me sick to watch. I was going to be the one authorizing a doctor to do that to my little lima bean. I'd be doing that. The thought made me tremble inside. Why was I looking at abortion videos on the internet anyway? Just to overthink things?

On Friday morning, Dad and I brought our suitcases to the foyer, and Grams hugged me for a long time. "I know this is going to be hard, but this is your choice, your decision. And I support you one hundred percent. I love you so much."

"Thanks, Grams."

"If you need me, just call, and I will come down, wind, rain, or snow, I am your grandmother, and I am with you whenever you need me."

I nodded. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Kate never came out of the master bedroom.

I sat in the passenger side, watching the city in the slushy grey stuff that passed for snow as we rode along over the George Washington Bridge to Brooklyn, and then down to the Long Island Expressway. The traffic was lighter, since Dad and I had left around nine. We didn't talk or even turn on the music until we got onto the LIE.

"Dad, do you think what I'm doing is wrong?"

"There is no right or wrong with abortion," he responded.

"Why do you say that?"

"Either way, you're going to catch hell for doing this... or having the baby… You know that I had the chance to leave your mother when she found she was pregnant?"

"Why didn't you?"

He shrugged. "Because I knew it was wrong for me to run. I wanted to be a stand-up kind of guy, and I knew she'd get crap for being pregnant anyway, so I did what I thought any honorable man should do."

"Yeah, I know."

I saw Dad's knuckled whiten around the steering wheel.

"You're thinking about Pi, aren't you?" I asked.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Has he even brought up marrying you?"

I grimaced. "No. I don't know that I'd marry him. Not after how he's treated me since I told him. He said to me the other night, 'It's all about you, isn't it?' when we got into a fight."

"I hate him," Dad said. "He better hope that I never see him again after this."

I squirmed in my seat.

"I'm sorry. I know you cared enough about him to live with him, but… can you blame me?"

I shook my head. "So, my whole life is changing and his isn't going to be affected at all. He's just going to run away."

"I know," Dad said, taking my hand. He squeezed it. "The double-standard. You want some breakfast?"

"Second breakfast?"

"We could always go for second breakfast!"

I finally smiled. "Yes, please."

Dad and I stopped at Carl Jr's and got sausage biscuits, he got a coffee, and I got a decaff. We didn't stay to eat, but got on the road.

"Do you think I'd be a good mom?" I asked Dad.

"At the right time, yes. You'll be a great mom."

"But you think I'm not ready now?"

"No, Alexis, it's up to you if you're ready or not to have a baby."

I got out my iPad and opened up the notepad document.

"What are you doing?" Dad asked.

"Making a list of pros and cons to convince myself."

"Alexis, why do you want to do this?"

"Have the abortion?"

"Yes."

"Because I'm personally broke. I'm not done with college," I said. "A baby would make finishing school and getting into law school really, really hard." I started typing key words in. "I wouldn't be independent from you without putting my kid in abject poverty."

"People with children get into law school all the time. It'll be tough, but it's possible. And you know I'd let you move back home if you wanted to have the baby."

"But I'd have the baby around the time you and Kate got married. Won't you want to have some privacy with her?"

"We can delay the wedding. Nothing's set in stone."

"You'd let me live with you?"

"Hey, we all get ourselves in some trouble now and then. If you want to change your mind, you can until you're in the stirrups. Then, it's too late."

I considered what it would be like to have the baby. Dad said I could move home. Living at home would make things easier to have a baby, but then again… "I'm so scared of what people will think of me if I have a baby on my own."

"Alexis," Dad said. "People are going to judge you no matter what. You can't 'undo' a pregnancy. Not even with abortion. Yes, this is going to be a really difficult time, but all I can think about is, if I had run out or your mother had an abortion, you wouldn't be in my life. You've made my life so much richer and better than it probably would have been. I'd have probably gotten myself killed if I had had you in the back of my mind. And after the baby's a few years old, I'm sure the judgment will die down if you keep working hard at school and make something of yourself. Listen, celebrities have babies all the time and don't get married. It's kind of becoming accepted in our society. People don't care as much if you have a child outside marriage. Just look at _Teen Mom_."

"I hate Farrah Abrahms. She's an idiot."

"I know, but nobody says you have to do porn like she did. Or go to jail like that Amber girl for drug possession and domestic violence. You can go to law school instead, and raise your baby, show people that you can overcome being pregnant and alone."

"If you have a dad who's willing to let you live at home with him."

"So what? A lot of millennials are living at home with their parents after finishing college, looking for jobs."

I sighed. "Can I just think, Dad?"

"Sure, honey."

It seemed like a frightening thing to have an abortion. I already thought of my pregnancy as a lima bean. I had been so set on having an abortion, though. A cute lima bean of my very own… The idea of having my own baby…

I played with the idea of having it. I was already pregnant, why not?

I watched as the world turn into the hedges and old colonial estates. We were going to a small, tucked away clinic. This was one of the clinics that the super-rich used. A lot of the super-rich had abortions to hide it when their birth control failed. Were we really so different?

"It's never too late to change your mind," Dad reminded me as we pulled into the parking lot a half hour early. The directions I had been emailed told me not to eat much before the procedure, so we were skipping lunch. There were no protesters outside this place. He took my hand.

"I'm going to do it," I muttered. "I really screwed up, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did. But I'm always going to be proud of you for making your own choices. And I will always love you. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me love you any less. If you back out and have the baby, it's not going to change anything when it comes to you and me. And I'm going to love this baby so much. I know you would, too."

I took a deep breath. He was right; I personally would never be the same if I did this. This was like chewing my leg off because it was caught in a trap and nobody was coming to save me, since Pi had run out on me.

"We still have time to decide."

He was right; there was no "unmaking" this pregnancy. Abortion didn't do that for me. Somebody else, maybe, but not me. It would come out that I got knockd up and had to have an abortion, I was sure of that, regardless. "Dad, I want to have this baby. I don't want an abortion. Will you promise me you'll help me have this baby? Even if I'm on my own?"

"Of course. People will always judge. It's a fact of life. But us, our family? No. It won't change anything for you to bring someone new in."

"Oh, Dad… thank you," I said, wiping my eyes. "I'm going to call in and cancel."

"Let me know if there's a cancellation fee, I've got my platinum card in my wallet. I've got to let your grandmother know we're not going through with it."

"Okay. Wanna go home or go to the Hampton House?"

"Let's stay at the Hamptons. This isn't the best weather to drive in."

* * *

_A/N- more to come._


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. The most betaing I do is listening to Apple read my writing aloud while I nurse. I was watching Castle Episode "_The Good, the Bad and the Baby_" and at the very end, Alexis says to Castle and Beckett, "If you had kids, and I had kids around the same time, they'd grow up together!" And I was thinking in my best Karen Walker voice, "Oh honey. No, honey. Don't have a baby with Pi. Pi's a mooching, immature, irresponsible idiot. Oh honey, no." And of course, being a fanfiction writer, I started to go, "Hmm, what if Pi did get her pregnant? What would happen?" The curse of fanfiction writers everywhere. I also saw a Castle Post Secret on tumblr that said they'd love to see Alexis have baby, and people blew up in protest at that idea._

_Sorry to Molly Quinn, if she ever reads this, because I seriously doubt she'd be so stupid to get pregnant by an idiot, and I'm kind of abusing Alexis unnecessarily in this. The first few chapters are kinda emo, but I will let it get better, I promise. This is also my reaction to a lot of people (including the nurses in the delivery wing) who congratulated me when I got pregnant for being married and not being "one of THOSE people." Um, excuse you, do you really realized how harsh and judgmental you're being by say crap like that? So, I hope anybody who reads this enjoys._

* * *

This was one of my last times to go to the Hamptons with Dad alone, before he married Kate and before i had a baby. I was terrified, but a little bit excited. We went to dinner and we started making plans for the baby. I was going to move back home, and we'd find a place for Grams to move, he'd pay her rent. The baby would take Gram's room until then, and I needed a good doctor, but we'd worry about that on Monday.

"I never told you I've met my father, right?" Dad asked as we got our dessert.

"No," I said, taking an extra bite of the hot-fudge cheesecake slice.

"It was when you were kidnapped in Paris. You know why you were kidnapped, right?"

I shook my head.

"You're the granddaughter of an American spy."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. That's why he had to leave after his night with your grandma. He never got to come back, but he found me in the Metropolitan library when I was about eight. I was just there, waiting on your Grandma, she was researching a role, and this guy came up me and started a conversation with me. Before I knew it, he pressed a copy of _Casino Royale_ into my hand. I didn't remember him that well, but years later that made me start coming up with my own stories. And years later, he told me who he was. I'd have never broken you out if he hadn't helped me. I keep hoping he'll come back into my life sooner or later. But… that's how it works."

"I wish I had met him," I said.

"He'll come back around," he said. "Eventually, I think."

"Do you think he could track down Pi and kill him?" I joked.

"I wish he would. We can't get in touch with him. At all."

* * *

The next morning, we drove home. "We're going to figure this out," Dad promised, squeezing my knee as we got some coffee. I had a decaff, of course.

We got back to New York City, and we decided that I'd have to take next fall off from school, I was probably going to have this baby in August. I started to look up a medical leave of absence on the Columbia website on my iPad, and found that I could take it with a doctor's permission, but I'd still fall behind my class. I supposed that I had entered college with almost a whole year of college credits due to all my hard work at Marlow Prep on the AP exams.

When we arrived back at the loft in TriBeCa, that drilling, churning, grinding sensation in my stomach had finally gone away. I was going to be okay. I wasn't so scared.

Dad and I walked into the Loft and were met by Grams and Kate.

"So we're going to keep it?" Grams asked.

"Yes," I said. "I couldn't go through with the abortion, I just…"

"She's going to move back in with us, and Mother, we're going to have to find a new place for you to live the baby's born. This is going to make college hard for her, but I know my little girl can do it. She's going to show the world she can do anything."

"Yeah, I'm still scared," I said. "But we can do it. My little Lima Bean and me."

"That's the spirit," Grams said, cupping my face before kissing it all over.

"I'm so proud of you, Alexis," Kate began. _Ugh. No. Kate, just leave me alone._ "I can't wait to meet this baby, I know you can't either-"

"Kate, I need to tell you something before we go into anything else," Dad interrupted.

"Oh okay," she said.

"Just you and me? Come on, we can go to the study." He took Kate away to the study, and shut the door.

"Dad said he'll have to change his wedding to Kate," I admitted to Grams. "I'm due in August and…"

"Oh," Gram said, nodding. "We can do this. We'll need to start planning for Lima Bean. You're going to need maternity clothes. A lot of 'em. And cocoa butter, that'll help with the stretch marks so your stomach can snap back after you give birth and be flat again. And, we need to make sure you've got a good OB GYN, too. Don't worry we don't have to take the first one we meet, we'll shop for one…"

Kate and Dad came out of the study as Grams start talking about what to do with my pregnancy. I was pretty sure she'd hate me, now.

"We just talked about it," Kate said. "I guess I can put off the wedding until Christmas. No big deal, right?" She had been waiting to marry Dad for six months, and I was putting off her wedding even longer. I wasn't sure I was going to apologize or not to her. I wasn't sure there was any way to. _Hey, sorry about my unexpected pregnancy ruining your wedding plans…_

"I know it's going to be a long engagement, Katherine, but it's a wise decision to have Alexis and her baby there, too, able to attend," Grams said. "I'm going to take her maternity clothes shopping. Before you know it, you'll start showing."

"I'll go with you," Kate offered.

_Stop it,_ I thought. Gina never showed only a little interest in my life, I was surprised Kate was trying so hard.

"That would be lovely, Katherine," Grams said. "It'll be a bonding time for us girls!"

* * *

Before I agreed to go out shopping with Grams, Dad agreed to help me talk to my landlord about getting out of my lease, even if we had to pay a fee. Kate wanted to tag along, she wanted to help with packing up my things and moving me back home. I tried to put up with her for now. We climbed the stairs and I unlocked the door.

Pi was sitting there on the futon, and he shot to his feet.

"Where the hell have you been?" he cried.

"Where the hell were _you_?" I spluttered.

"Kate, give me your gun," Dad growled. "There's going to be a murder."

"I didn't bring it," Kate said.

"You've got a lot of god-damn explaining to do," Dad shouted, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction.

"I got the money together and rented a car so we could drive down to Long Island! Where were you?" he repeated, looking directly at me.

"It looked like you ran off!" I shouted, suddenly furious. "You left and took the money and all your things, what was I supposed to think when you didn't respond to my text messages?"

"I was selling things to make money to rent the car," Pi yelled back. "Including my cell phone!"

"I took her to Long Island," Dad said. "How could you run off and look like you were leaving when she's in one of the worst situations a woman can be in? How could you do this to my daughter?"

Pi just shook his head.

"I knew you were a shady bastard the moment I met you," Dad growled in a low gutteral tone. "Nobody believed me, but I saw it. Is this why you didn't want to go back to Denmark? And seduced my daughter to mooch off my home, only to run off? Is there a woman in Denmark in the exact same situation?"

"Dad, stop," I uttered, but my voice sounded weak and child-like.

"Tell me!" Dad shouted.

"No," Pi said. "I just lost my passport and Alexis offered to let me stay with her until I got it replaced, but we ended up moving in together."

"Then why in the hell did you keep this a secret from me? You could have asked me for help from the beginning, not lie to me since Christmas!"

"No, I couldn't! Alexis would have the abortion anyway-"

"I didn't," I interrupted. "I'm having the baby."

"Alexis, we talked about this. I'm not ready to be a dad."

"Then maybe you should have used a condom," Dad sneered.

"Richard!" Kate shouted.

"No," Dad said. "This, Pi," he pointed at me, "is the most precious thing in the world that has ever been given to me. And you've just changed her life and made it harder than she ever imagined it would be. And you're going to pull this bullshit, 'I'm not ready to be a dad'?"

"I'm not."

"She's not ready to be a mom, and she's going to do it because she doesn't really have a choice," Dad shouted. "Isn't it lucky for you that you aren't the one that's pregnant?"

"She could have had it taken care of!" Pi yelled back. Kate scoffed.

"I'm moving home," I said, trying to break up Dad's verbal assault on Pi. "I'm going to move home and have this baby with my family. You never offered to stand up for me. You never fought for me. You stopped pursuing me. And I'm done with you, Pi. I didn't see you for what you really were until things got really difficult, and this is what you're doing. Running out after using everybody you could!"

"I was planning on going back to Copenhagen after the abortion, anyway," he said. "Here, Alexis, here's the money. Go have your baby." He got out the wad of money and tossed it at me. My jaw dropped and I didn't make any effort to reach out and catch it. Before it hit the floor, Dad's fist met Pi's cheekbone. He toppled over onto the futon.

"I didn't see anything," Kate said, almost in a _you go girl_ tone. "Don't even bother calling the police, Pi. You can go to hell."

"Son of a bitch," Pi muttered, rubbing his cheek.

"You better sign off all parental rights, because I don't want my child having your last name," I snarled. "This baby is _mine_, not yours. To think I trusted you so much, I gave you my virginity. God, I was stupid."

"I'll be out of here soon," Pi said.

"You better hope you never end up in New York city for long," Kate threatened. "You changed my stepdaughter's life, and you delayed my wedding. If you come back here, expect the NYPD to be up your ass, understand?"

"Got it. I'm getting out," he said, putting his coat on, "right now."

"Shithead," Dad muttered once he walked out the door.

* * *

_A/N- I'm sorry. I really hated Pi for mooching off Castle half the summer and then getting Alexis to move in with him._


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. I'm just having fun, I make no moneys. The most betaing I do is listening to Apple read my writing aloud while I nurse, so I'm sorry for the typos, I kind of suck._

* * *

"To think I was trying to take that son of a bitch on like family," Dad muttered as Kate got a baggie of ice for his knuckles.

"You didn't have to punch him, Dad," I said, locking the door as we left my old apartment.

"Yeah, I did."

"You were right about him all along," I admitted. "I really thought Pi hung the moon."

"We all think that of our firsts," Kate said. "And then, they show us who they really are. I think things are going to work out for the best without him having an influence in this baby's life. He annoyed the hell out of me, I'll be honest."

"He's annoying me just to think about him," I said as we got to the first floor.

"You girls just stay here, I'll go get the car," Dad said, walking out of the small lobby. I checked my mail for the last time, and found some credit card offers and a letter from Columbia asking for a donation and other junk mail. I crammed it into my computer bag. I'd have to send a change of address form through at the post office. I wondered if I could do it online.

"We're going to make sure your baby has everything," Kate said. "Your baby will want for nothing, I promise. Don't be scared of providing for it. We'll make sure it has everything it needs."

Kate really shouldn't have been making that promise to me. If things didn't work out between her and my Dad, Dad would still be related to me, but she wouldn't. She'd got the way of Gina; occasional friendly emails and texts, but there wasn't too much to them.

"You know, I think the only reason Martha moved back in with your father after you moved out was to keep an eye on him and me," Kate said. "It's a little creepy, I think. But it'll just be you and the baby, now-"

"Kate, I don't know how to how to apologize for making you put your wedding off."

She turned her face away from me and I saw her nod.

"I know you had plans, and you're being really gracious about this whole mess. I'm sorry."

"I know," she said. "What else was I going to do anyway? Alexis, I get the feeling you don't understand, but I'm taking becoming your stepmother very, very seriously. The time for panicking is over. We've got to be a family. And families get through these kinds of... surprises. This baby is not a mistake, just an accident. A very happy accident. We won't tell him he was a problem, something we didn't want, or an unhappy accident. This baby is a part of our family. And if somebody says anything to him like that, they'll have to deal with me. Okay?"

She turned back to me and placed her hands on my shoulders.

"Okay," I agreed.

* * *

We had to pay a fee to get me out of my lease. I didn't care what happened to PI right now or if he went back to Copenhagen. I really had been stupid to sleep with him and a little too high the first time, too. I had smoked a lot of weed with Pi, and I had been smoking and not taking care of my pregnancy. Had pot hurt my baby, though? I hoped not. I needed to research it. I got moved back into my old bedroom and got my room ready. Dad was going to buy a small apartment for Grams, hopefully close by.

Once I was moved home, I called Mom in LA.

"Hi, honey, how's school? How's Pi?" she asked.

"Um, Mom… about that…"

"Did you break up with him?"

I took a deep breath. "Mom, I'm having a baby."

I thought for a moment that I had lost her connection. I checked my phone and the timer was still running.

"Mom? Did I lose you?" I asked.

"Alexis, are you sure you're pregnant?"

"Yes, I'm almost done with my first trimester."

"But you're so responsible! Weren't you using a condom?"

"No, I was on the pill, and it didn't work. I'm having a baby. I'm almost to my fourth month. Pi doesn't want anything to do with it."

"With a grifter like Pi's baby? Sweetheart, he's got no money."

"He's gone back to Denmark."

"He's back in Denmark?" she repeated.

"Yes. We've broken up. I'm going to have this baby on my own."

"There's more of Martha in you than I thought. Alexis, don't date poor men. It's just stupid. Because if- _when_ you get pregnant-"

I interrupted. "I know why you and Dad got married." It was too late for her to lecture me about how to flirt and hook a man like she always did.

Mom sighed. "This kid is not calling me Grandma."

"We'll come up with something for him to call you."

"Honey, I hate telling you this, but you can never tell anyone I'm a grandma."

"What?"

"Alexis, appearance is everything in the acting world. I've got almost everyone convinced you're only thirteen. If anything makes you look old, you can't get the younger parts. I hate tell you this, but if you come to visit me and bring the baby, I have to be seen as an aunt or something, not a grandma."

"But, Mom-"

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Alexis. I love you a lot, but I can't give up my career."

"Well!" I said. "I guess I know where you stand."

"Alexis, don't get upset, honey, it's not you it's not that I don't love you-"

"No, it's alright, Mom," I said. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"

I hung up the phone and laid down on my old bed. I wasn't going to let her make me feel worse.

* * *

On Valentine's Day, I pretended nothing was wrong, and went to classes, amidst all the red roses and hearts out. It depressed me a little bit. I had had boyfriends before on Valentine's Day. I hadn't even been planning anything for Pi just yet, all I wanted was to get back to what we had had before. It wasn't there anymore.

Just to see what was going on, I opened his instagram account on my phone and looked for his location. He hadn't posted anything since my birthday dinner in New York. I faithfully watched it, just to see what he was doing, where he was. I was jealous and angry, and fascinated. I couldn't turn away from looking for him just yet. I had given him so much of me, but he was leaving for Copenhagen and wouldn't look back, I was sure. It was obvious that I would always have a part of him with this baby, a forever reminder.

I missed having someone on Valentine's Day.


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer- I still don't own Castle, Andrew Marlowe does, and I don't want him to sue me for playing in his sandbox. Haiku disclaimer to Mr. Marlowe & company:_

_I have no money  
__I am a new, green mommy  
Appreciate no sue_

_The most betaing I do is listening to Apple read my writing aloud while I nurse._

* * *

By the time I was a full 18 weeks, I had to stop wearing my regular clothes. My jeans didn't button any longer, and I had been getting by with large safety pins, but the safety pins weren't doing it anymore. It was frustrating to phase over to maternity jeans when my Forever 21 jeans didn't do the trick any longer. I had to start wearing longer tops, but the ice was thawing in the city and I couldn't just cover up my pregnant belly with a giant coat any longer. It was March. I swore that I was big as a house, but I had only gained seven pounds.

"Do I look pregnant?" I asked Dad and Kate as I came down the stairs in a long tunic top and my maternity jeans. They studied me.

Kate shrugged, pouring some creamer into her coffee cup. Dad was making an omlett on the stove. "I guess you could count that off as a slight weight gain that went straight to your middle."

I turned to the side and examined myself in the mirror. "No," I admitted. "I'm going to have to come clean and admit I'm pregnant with everyone. I can't pretend I'm not anymore." I sighed and covered my face. This was horrible. "What am I going to do?"

"Alexis, calm down, it's not the end of the world," Dad said. There was a firmness in his voice I didn't hear often. "You look like you're growing a basketball under your clothes, it's cute! When we left the abortion clinic's parking lot, we knew this was what was going to happen eventually. It's time to pay the piper, I guess."

"I was hoping I wouldn't show until June?" I said in a tiny voice.

"Not showing until your third semester, that's a trick I've got to learn!" Kate teased.

"Alexis, I can't protect you from this," Dad said gently. "You've got to be prepared for people to see you pregnant and that they aren't always going to react in a kind way. A lot of people are going to be judging you. Now, you just have to live with it. It's only a few months, not your whole life."

"Why don't we decompress tonight at a maternity yoga class?" Kate offered. "There's a studio on Church street that offers one at seven."

I remember Pi multi-tasking, doing Yoga while smoking a joint in our living room. I didn't feel like exercise, but I felt the need to go for Lima Bean, since all that pot-smoking had probably messed him or her up royally. "I'll go. Maybe it'll make me feel better since today's going to suck."

"You know, Alexis, you're probably going to call yourself worse things than anybody else does. I promise you, you are not the only pregnant student at Columbia University," Kate said.

"She's right," Dad added. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You messed up once. For the first time in your entire life. And it's not that bad. Really, honey, believe me when I say it's not. There are worse ways to screw up. We deal with people who screw up everyday in the Homicide Unit."

"It's true," Kate said. "I can make some decaff coffee for you in the French press?"

"Yes, please," I muttered. I knew Dad was right; pregnancy wasn't so terrible, compared to murders and manslaughter. Killing someone was a lot worse than getting pregnant by accident or going to prison; it was true.

"We can go out to dinner after yoga," Kate said. "We'll have fun. I love yoga."

"I'll pick the place and I'll meet you both there, okay?" Dad offered.

"Okay," I muttered, rubbing my giant belly.

"Can we finally tell our friends?" Kate asked.

"What, you're asking me?" I asked, picking up my bookbag.

"Yeah, we haven't been blabbing this all over," Dad said. "Although Lainey's been bugging us about you."

"She knows?"

"I think they've all figured it out by now, everyone in the bullpen," Kate said. "I've even avoided the subject with my father."

"Jim doesn't know?" I asked, surprised. I didn't think she'd keep her mouth shut around Lainey and Jim. Lainey was Kate's best friend, I thought best friends shared everything. And to keep it from her own father?

"Yes, I kept my word," Kate said, as if reading my mind. "I swore I wouldn't tell anybody. We can just act like everything's normal and you can just walk around pregnant and just tell everyone you're just bloated or something. But nobody's going to believe that when the baby gets here in August. You, as well as Richard and I, are going to have to tell everybody sometime."

"Yes, we're not pulling a Jack Nicholson," Dad added.

"What happened with Jack Nicholson?"

"He grew up in a house with his mother and older sister, only to find out when he was an adult that his older sister had actually been in his mother," Dad explained. "I'd love to give my fans the heads up that I'm going to be a grandfather soon, but that's really up to you. And I can't tell my fans before we've told everybody closest to us. And I think you need to tell your friends, too."

"I'll think about it," I said, rubbing my swollen stomach.

"Alexis, choices always have consequences," Dad reminded me. "You made the choice to have the baby, and this one of those consequences. I personally am excited and proud that I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm past being disappointed. I got past it in the first few hours after you told me, because I knew it wasn't going to do any good to judge you like that. I know you took all the proper precautious, honey, but you just got the short end of the stick when your birth control failed. It happens. A lot in this family, actually. If bringing a new life into the world is the worst thing you ever do, I'm relieved."

I felt errant tears spring to my eyes and lump in the my throat. While Dad constantly reminded me he was supporting me through everything, I didn't think he'd be proud of me. I had been so ashamed of being pregnant so far.

"Honey, it's true. We both feel this way," Kate said softly, hugging me. "Maybe you didn't get pregnant at the best of time in your life, but this isn't a bad thing. So I want you to go out and tell the world that you're pregnant, and we're behind you."

* * *

I was too scared to show that I was pregnant, yet, so I wore a long, loose cardigan to conceal my newly visible baby-bump for the next few days. I knew people were looking at me and whispering. It made me blush, and I wanted to hide. I still was too chicken to admit I was pregnant. I avoided people, until my Criminal Justice professor put us into group projects. It was torture to sit with the other four people in our group as we discussed the case and started looking up evidence at the law library together.

"You know, Alexis," one of the girls, a girl from Michigan named Erin, said as we met in the law library's Starbucks shop, after everyone else was out of earshot ."If this interferes with your appointments, you can just tell us you can't come, no judgment. You don't have to tell us why you can't come to the meetings. We can reschedule, too."

I felt my cheeks light up. "I'm not…" I knew it was useless to tell stories and lie. And yes, my private life was nobody's business, but it was going to be painfully obvious by the end of the semester. "Erin, can I tell you something? I haven't even told my best friends at other schools, yet."

"It's kind of obvious, Alexis. I know you're trying to hide it, but… come on, you're showing. I'll be the one to back you up if you can't make it because of baby appointments. It's nobody's business, right?"

I nodded and wiped my stupid tears. "God, I'm crying over everything these days."

"It's alright. That's normal," she said, squeezing my elbow. "How's the father taking it?"

"Can I tell you something else?" I asked. "The father left me when I told him I was keeping it. We were together seven months, and he was first and… I was so careful, I was on the pill… It was never going to work with him, anyway. I was just too blind to see it until it was too late." I wiped the tears from my face with my hand.

"I'm sorry, Alexis. It'll work out."

"I know it will. It's just so embarrassing to have a baby on my own when I'm only twenty. And I'm an Ivy League student and I was the Valedictorian of my school and in all the honor societies, and then I go and do this..."

"Of course, it's embarrassing. But these things happen. It happened my best friend, junior year. But her parents weren't so understanding about it."

"What happened to her?" I whispered.

"Her parents forced her to have an abortion," Erin admitted. "It wasn't the best solution because she actually wanted to keep it. She really resented them for making her do that. Funny this was, they're Catholic. But they didn't want her screwing up her life. They let her get birth control after that, but still… damage done. She failed out of U of I freshman year with a severe cocaine habit. Are your parents okay with it?"

I nodded. "I moved back in with my Dad in downtown. He's going to let me stay with him while I finish college and raise the baby. He's really been supportive about it. He told me I'll be a great mom."

"So you're not giving it up to adoption?"

I shook my head. "No. I'm keeping it."

She smiled. "That's really great. He sounds like a good dad. How's your mom taking it?"

"She's afraid for anybody to know she's a grandma because she's an actress. I don't know. I'm not talking to her right now."

"She'll come around, I'm sure. I'm sure once the baby's born…"

I shrugged.

"Babies have an effect on everyone. They make everybody crazy, they're so cute. I bet she won't be immune."

"I think she is, personally." I glanced at my phone, and I had forty-five minutes to get to the ultrasound. "I've gotta go. I'll see you on Tuesday?"

"Yeah. Text me anytime you need something, okay?"

"Thanks."

* * *

It felt a lot better to get it off my chest that I was having a baby to someone my age and not be met with the accusations that would make me feel so small. I caught a cab to my ultrasound in downtown and met Dad, Kate, and Grams there. I was surprised they all showed up.

"This is just an update ultrasound," I protested.

"You can find out the sex of the baby," Grams pointed out. "We want to be there to find out with you. We're here for you, every step of the way-"

"If that's what she wants," Dad insisted. "If she wants to be surprised in the delivery room-"

"I'm not finding out the sex today," I argued.

"I think we can," Dad said.

"Not at eighteen weeks!"

"We'll ask."

"Da-ad!"

"Alexis?" the nurse said at the door.

"That's me," I said, standing up, pulling my cardigan together over my bump.

"We just want to examine her and we'll call you all in if she wants for the ultrasound."

I followed the nurse past the door. "You can't tell the sex at eighteen weeks, can you?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Sometimes. We can see if it's a boy, for obvious reasons, as early at eighteen weeks. But we just know that sometimes, we get the sex wrong when it's delivered, maybe about five per cent of the time. There's no guarantee."

She brought me into a room and gave me a hospital robe to change into, and told me to take off everything, except my socks, and advised me to have the front open. I changed into everything when she left the room, and I climbed up onto the table, pulling the hospital robe over my stomach as tightly as possible. The nurse did the pre-requisite exam and made sure all my vitals were good, she opened the robe over my stomach and listened to the baby's heartbeat. She smiled. "Wanna listen to your baby's heart?" she asked, taking out the earpieces.

"Okay," I said shyly. She put the earpieces in and held the stethoscope to my belly.

I felt something like adrenaline. My heartrate sped up, listening to this. It sound like a faint fluttering. "Is this normal? It's not thumping."

"Yes, it'll sound like that until it's older. Alright, I want you to lay down, Dr. Menta will be in here in a moment. Do you want your family in here while we see the baby?"

"Yes, I want them in here."

When I was alone in the room, I rubbed my belly that had flattened a bit. I almost looked normal. The cocoa butter had done it's trick so far; no stretch marks. Everybody said my belly-button would turn inside out, which I didn't like. _It'll be super-easy to clean,_ Gram teased. That just sounded gross. _That's when you know you're ready to have him!_ I wondered when I'd get that black line down my stomach.

A moment later, the ultrasound technician arrived, as did Dr. Menta. "Hi, Alexis!" she said, opening the door. "How is everything been? Anything weird?"

The ultrasound technician squirted some mircowaved lube onto my belly, which surprised me. "Oh! Yeah, everything's good. I've had some heartburn, but that's about it. The morning sickness has gone away."

"That's good! I noticed your weight gain is going well and on target, you don't seem to be eating too much, which is good. A lot of women think pregnancy is an excuse to sit around and eat four thousand calories a day; it's really not, I hate treating those moms. Well, your blood sugar looks just fine too, so I don't think we need to worry about gestational diabetes, but like all moms, I'm going to tell you to be careful with your sugar intake. We've sent the receptionist off to get your family. Are you excited to see the baby?" she asked.

"Actually, I am," I admitted. The technician put the wand on my stomach and started rolling it around on my belly and the door behind me opened.

"Hi!" Dad and Kate chorused. The receptionist brought them in.

"I can't wait to see my great-grandbaby!" Grams cooed.

"Found it," the technician said. "There's the baby!" I saw a blurry blob of grey on the screen. Then, I identified the head on the screen.

"That's my baby!" I cried. "I see it!"

"Yes, that's it!" Dr. Menta said. "Are you sure you want to know the sex?"

"I do," I said.

"We'll save it for the end of the exam with your family. I'm going to go down and see if I can count all the fingers and toes and check for abnormalities. You drank the 32 ounces of water in the last hour, right?" Dr. Menta said.

"I did, on the cab on the way over," I said.

"I can see the hands," Dad said.

"They're perfect! Ten fingers, ten toes," Dr. Menta said. "We're good so far. We're going to check and see if the placenta has separated from the cervix, once all of you are out of here. But first, I want to check the brains, liver, stomach, and kidneys, make sure they're fine." The ultrasound technician lowered the wand so I could see the heart on the screen. I couldn't see anything else.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, feeling panic rise in my throat.

"The baby's a just little still-" Dr. Menta began.

"What?" I shouted. "There's something wrong?"

"Alexis," Dr. Menta said.

"What if there's something wrong? Okay, I smoked pot my first trimester-"

I heard my family chuckle behind me.

"Everything's fine. The baby's just a little still," Dr. Menta said. "The baby is sleeping, I don't see this too often in ultrasounds."

"Okay," I said, breathing a sigh of relief, trying to relax into the chair/table. "But smoking pot-"

"There are no real tests to prove that it's good or bad for the baby."

"You want to know something?" Dad asked. "Your mother was almost constantly blazed her first trimester with you. And look at how well you turned out."

Grams and Kate cracked up.

"More proof," Dr. Menta said.

"Don't panic," Dad added in.

"Before we go any further, does anybody want to make a bet on what sex the baby is?" Dr. Menta asked.

"I want a boy," Dad said. "Alexis, you have failed me if you haven't given me a grandson!"

"_Da-ad_!" I cried. I looked up to see him grinning. He squeezed my shoulder.

"Richard, stop teasing," Grams said. "I don't care, just as long as it's healthy."

"Me either," Kate said. "I'm on team healthy."

"Although there's nothing like getting baptised by your baby boy on the changing table," Grams added.

"I hope you had good aim," Kate laughed.

"Trust me, he did!" Grams said.

"Alexis?" Dr. Menta asked.

"I'm on team healthy too," I said.

"Alright, last chance to change your mind," Dr. Menta said.

"I want to know if I'm having a girl or a boy," I said. "I want to pick out my nursery."

"And you're having… I don't see a penis, so I think we can safely say it's a girl. Too bad, Dad."

My whole family awww-ed.

"Everything pink," Dad said. "My baby girl's having a baby girl!" He bent down and kissed me on the crown of my head. "I can't wait. I really can't. I want to hold her, now."

"Five more months," Dr. Menta reminded him.

"This was exciting," Kate agreed. "I'm so glad I got to see this. I feel like I got a sneak peek at your baby! I can't wait until August!"

"None of us can," Grams agreed.

"Alright, we're going to let Alexis get changed back into her clothes and then she can check out," Dr. Menta said. "She doing a great job at growing a baby!"

"A baby girl! We can start the baby registry!" Dad cried, excited as the technician ushered my family out.

* * *

I realized what I had felt when I got to hear Lima Bean's little heartbeat was love. A kind of love I had never felt before for anyone in my life- it was overwhelming, but exhilarating. Becoming a mom was already the greatest thing I could ever imagine. I suddenly realized I didn't need to be scared of people seeing my pregnancy; I was proud of this little girl growing inside me, due on August 15th. They printed out some pictures for me, emailed a few to my phone, and I got a list of what to do and eat and avoid during this phase of my pregnancy before I went out to the waiting room. They had already printed out pictures for my family, and they were talking about them and comparing.

"See, I think I got the best side in this picture," Dad was saying. "This baby's got my profile, see? This is a very, very lucky little girl-"

"That's crap, she already looks like Alexis!" Kate scoffed.

"And Alexis takes after me!" Dad cried. "God, I hope this kid doesn't look like Pi."

"And Meredith, a little bit," Grams said, disdainfully. "Alexis has her mother's chin and forehead, but your nose. Oh, hello, darling! You can't imagine how excited we are right now!"

"I'm going to stop by the office and finish up some stuff, since I took time off for this appointment," Kate said. "I'll see you when I get home? Congratulations, Alexis. I'm so excited you're having a girl!" She hugged me, and for once, I felt like it wasn't forced, but genuine.

"Thanks, Kate," I said.

"I'm taking everybody out for dinner," Dad said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Alexis, what is the baby hungry for?"

"Hmm," I rubbed my bump. "I think she wants some pork. I'm craving pork roast right now."

"I think that sounds wonderful," Grams said. "I've got a class to teach. I'll be home soon."

"I'm going to go to the Precinct with Beckett," Dad said. He squeezed me. "I'm so excited about a baby girl being in our house. What are you doing to name her?"

I shook my head. "I've been playing with ideas in my head, but I feel like… I feel like I need a few different names to choose from when she's born. I don't know, yet. I feel like I need to see her before I name her."

"Sometimes, you have to see her face," Grams agreed as we got in the elevator. "That's wise!"

"I'm going to take a shower and a nap when I get home," I said. "You'll wake me up for when we go out for dinner, okay?"

"We will," Dad said, hailing a cab for me. He paid the cabbie as Kate opened the door for me.

"We love you," Grams said, squeezing me again. "No matter what, I'm so proud of you, Alexis. We can't wait to bring this little girl into our family! You're going to be a fantastic mother!"

"I'm proud, too," I said. "I can't wait to meet her."

* * *

_A/N- I need to find out if Ryan and Jenny are having a baby girl or boy for the next chapter. Otherwise, I'll just post and fix it in the New Year during the new episode (can you believe we have to wait a whole MONTH before we get to find out? Son of a bitch...)_


End file.
